We want our friends to be strong! Spiritual and, mentally.
We are drawn to our friends because they are either just like us and or posses a quality that we admire.
This is normal and this is fine. The problem comes in when…
1) We hide our weaknesses because we don’t want our friends to think less of us.
2) We deny our short comings to our friends because we fear we may lose them.
3) We portray something other than our true selves so that our friends will be in awe of us.
4) We hide deep parts of our lives because we’d be too embarrassed and shamed for our friends to know and see us in a negative light.
The sad part about this is that is how some of our “FRIENDS” have treated us in the past/present, so we continue to display these unhealthy (often sinful) patterns.
1) Our friends expect us to be spiritually and mentally strong (always). After all, that’s what drew them to us in the first place. They may say verbally that their expectations are not that high, yet their actions prove other vise.
2) When we sin or fail our friends in certain areas, they have thought less of us and made it known. Some even have went as far as to talk about it to someone else.
3) Our friends expect to get hurt, (maybe) but in a way that they feel acceptable. When they get hurt in a way that they deem UNACCEPTABLE, they leave the relationship without even considering forgiving and working through the issue. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes God does call us to leave a relationship for good, I understand this totally. But that is not what I’m talking about. I’m also not referring to situations where a so-called friend does something crazy to you like sleeps with your mate or slanders your name and betrays you. Clearly this isn’t a friend in the very first place, but an enemy that has on a costume of a friend.
4) Friends become attracted to you because you’re so beautiful being Purple. They give you much praise and admiration for being Purple! They just love the color Purple. The problem arises when you suddenly become blue due to some life altering circumstances. Now that friend sees you are blue and they feel betrayed! They feel like you were a fake the whole time and everything about you being Purple was a lie! Now they withdraw because they feel as though they can not trust you! (It may be tempting to just portray Purple at this time but don’t!) Feeling blue, not being blue. The key word here is FEELING. They have not changed who they are, nor pretended to be something they were not. Blue is their current state for that season or moment, not a good time to leave. A time to stay and stick it out, that’s what real friends do.
If we could trust that our “friends” wouldn’t look down on us while sticking their noses up in the air, then maybe we wouldn’t go to such great lengths to hide our true selves. If we could know who we are and accept ourselves (however imperfect) and still love ourselves, then we would be comfortable in that and not portray anything else. No matter who chooses to stay or go.
When some one sees us at church and ask how we are doing, we can say, “Not fine, ” if that is true. Not lie because we don’t want them to think we are so less spiritual if in fact we are truly depressed! If we don’t trust that person, or, if we are just not prepared to go into grave detail about what our problem is, we can simply tell them the truth. “I really don’t want to talk about it right now, or at all.” If they think less of us, or view us in a negative light because of that, then that is their personal issues. We need to love and accept ourselves, and who God created us to be, regardless of people’s opinions of us. After all, we all have trials, problems, issues, and hang-ups, they are just different colors, (and sometimes the same).
When you can totally be yourself, the good and the bad, and you don’t need to show, tell, prove, brag, or boast, when you can survive without compliments and praise from your friends and still be confident in who GOD has and is creating you to be, then you are healthy enough to have a friend.
When you can totally love someone with their good and their bad, and you don’t feel the need to try to match, compare, or compete with who they are,what they have, or what they know, when you can give compliments, and admiration to others with a true heart and not be in bondage having a heart filled with jealousy, secret hate, or envy, and you can be confident in who GOD created you to be, then you are healthy enough to be a friend.