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When my son came into this world 18 years ago all I could see was then and the now. Him becoming a man seemed as though it was going to be a longggggg process and although the days drifted by quickly, it felt so far off; it wasnt.

From the moment his breath hit the air I went into betterment mode and over his first few years of life I made some drastic changes. My plans were to become the best person that I could because I was convinced that is was what had to be done to assure him a bright future. He became my reason.

In a matter of 3 years I had given up sleeping around, getting drunk, smoking weed, club hopping, and more. I dedicated my life to Jesus Christ when he was two years old and did everything I could to raise him right.

When he came into my life he was so dependent upon me and I couldn’t let him down. He needed me and God knew I needed him, but as the years progressed he needed me less and less and needed a man to show him the way more and more.

Getting married and adding a God-fearing man to the picture wasn’t just about me, it never was, my son needed a father. So when I was approached by a man who was always the question that needed to be answered, “could you be a great father to my son.” It may seem at bit much for some people, but the truth was I was not alone. If a man couldn’t mesh with my son we didn’t have a chance because he was so much apart of me.

The day that I would clip him from my side and let him fly on his own was fastly approaching even though my heart promised me that it was far away. I started to grab for books and mentors, anything that could help me with all of the transitions. My son turning into his own person was a very scary thing and it often caused conflict because at times all I could see was my baby. But when I understood that loving him meant leaving him in the arms of our savior it set really well within my soul.

I think girls are different with their mothers, and although I never had a chance to experience that for myself, I’ve seen it. It can often be a temptation to some parents to hold on to their children because without them their lives seem to have no purpose, but love lets you fly. Love let’s go and prays that everything you gave them will rise up inside of them as they blossom and become themselves.

Leaving him alone isn’t easy, but letting him go is love.

{view a video dedication to my only son}