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They say they want a wife, but why are some Christian men still single?

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From what I’ve seen and in my opinion I will list 10 reasons (more than likely there are more) why some Christian men who say they really want to be married are still single.

1)    They are lingering in their flesh with passivity.

Maybe it came from pain, maybe it came from the mother’s or guardians enabling, or maybe it comes from fear. Different people have different reason why they are passive, but a passive man when it comes to finding a Christian woman will not be doing well on the “finding a good thing” part if he is waiting for women to come to him and/or show him all kinds of signs that give him a boost of confidence.

NOTE: Passive men are unattractive to most Christian women

2)    They are looking for a clone of their mother.

In some cases men have been known to try to find someone who resembles his mother so much so that he ends up dissatisfied most of the time. Some mothers are great mothers and honestly I can’t fault my son for trying to find someone who reminds him of me, (after all I do think I’m pretty great). But what if she is like me in every way except she can’t cook? That should not be a reason to walk away from a woman who you feel has everything your heart desires. Sadly for some men it’s a deal breaker. But they said they wanted a wife and not a chef.

Then there is the other part where a man is trying to find someone that reminds him of his mother but his mother wasn’t a good momma. He may feel the need to gain approval with that woman and it helps him deal with the pain of never pleasing his mother. These type of men may date women that are 5 years or more older than them and be very needy (which is unattractive). Needy unattractive men may remain single for a very long time because most Christian women want to be with a strong man who will protect them.

NOTE: Mommas Boys are unattractive to most Christian women

3)    They have an unhealed broken heart and fear of rejection causes them to procrastinate.

When women are hurt it mostly tears up our hearts only, when most men get hurt it’s a blow to their heart, mind, pride, and ego. Sometimes they build up walls of protection that even they find hard to tear down. They may often mistake fear and procrastination as waiting on the Lord and precaution.

NOTE: Cowardly non risk taking men are unattractive to most Christian women

4)    They listen to their mother or other said concerned people, who don’t think that anyone is good enough.

Even Christian men want trophy wives although most won’t admit to it. They want a wife who others will be in awe of. It becomes more important what others say about the woman than what he sees and feels in his own heart. This is a situation of a man needing approval and validation from people and ignoring his own needs and desires. People do this every day even in other areas of their lives like careers and so forth. Do you realize that some people actually never leave the hood because they don’t want their friends and family to say that they are no longer down? Sad.

NOTE: Men who mostly follow and doesn’t poses a leadership attitude are unattractive to most Christian women

5) They are worried that when they commit to one woman, she may be the wrong one.

These types of men want a woman to prove and assure them that they are not making a mistake. They won’t even consider a commitment of marriage unless they are 100% sure they are going to have all needs met and be oh so very happy. Faith in God doesn’t even come into the picture. Problem is no one is perfect. When they see or hear something that causes them to worry, they run and say “She wasn’t the one.” Out of their mouths they say they are not looking for perfection but their actions prove otherwise.

They want a woman with this whole package and in their minds they are not asking for too much, but God keeps sending them women that are probably best suited for him. God knows us better than we know ourselves and the purpose for marriage is to bring Him glory and make us more holy. I’ve seen men leave women for issues that were not worth leaving just because they are so worried about making a mistake. An example of this is a guy may have “She has to love children” on his list and because he overheard the woman telling her sister she didn’t want to watch her kids for her he made the assumption she wasn’t really into kids. Men make a lot of assumptions about women and walk away from them every day not realizing they are being driven by their emotions.

NOTE: Men who are afraid of commitment are unattractive to most Christian women

6) They love the attention they receive as a single saved man.

I’ve seen men toy with women emotions over and over time and time again by saying they are looking for a wife. Because women are trying to be found they make sure they make it known to these men that they are up for the taking. That can look like a bunch of different things, but it’s all boosting these men up and they love it. I mean while settle for the one or two Ruth’s that lay at your feet when you can have 50? Whether he was always an attention whore or he wasn’t getting any attention or action in high school differs from man to man, but they love to be wanted so bad that they don’t settle down and keep looking at all the good apples in the barrel and pleasing his eyes and ego. If he chooses one and settles down almost all of the attention would stop or be deemed inappropriate, so, some men want to ride that out for as long as they can.

NOTE: Men who still have a player’s mentality are unattractive to most Christian women

7) They are not clear on what the bible says about finding a mate or marriage.

I will just list a few scriptures that speak on it and let the Bible explain it self.

Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It isn’t good for the man to live alone. I need to make a suitable partner for him.”

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:1&2 Now I will answer the questions that you asked in your letter. You asked, “Is it best for people not to marry?”Well, having your own husband or wife should keep you from doing something immoral.

2 Corinthians 6:14&15 Stay away from people who are not followers of the Lord! Can someone who is good get along with someone who is evil? Are light and darkness the same? Is Christ a friend of Satan? Can people who follow the Lord have anything in common with those who don’t?

Matthew 19:4-6 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let not man separate.”

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

NOTE: Men who call themselves Christian but possess no fruit or doesn’t follow the Word of God are unattractive to most Christian women

8) They are not considering the women that they are attracted to and only choosing women that are jaw dropping gorgeous.

This is true and it’s defended by men saying they want to be attracted to their wife. But what the hearts of these types of men is really saying is “I not only want her to look good, I want her to be the best looking woman I ever seen in my life.” He wants her to have long hair but not wear weaves, he wants her to have light beautiful skin but not wear make-up. He wants her to have a totally in shape body and be a virgin and a freak in the bedroom at the same time. He wants Beyoncé and Claire Huxtable with a dash of June Cleaver and he won’t settle for anything less. That’s not having high standards, that’s just ridiculous. I’ve heard many say these things out of their mouths so I know I’m right. Here is an example of a confession, and I quote; “I’m not all about the physical package. She needs to be Godly and blah blah blah. It took about a week and then it finally hit me by God’s grace. I realized I was ALL about the look of the woman physically first. I realized that I wanted this woman to look sooooooo hot to me first and then I can go find out more about her. Physical attraction IS important, but I had put too too too much in it to the point that I was not even allowing myself to talk and get to know a woman who I found attractive. Attractive was not good enough. She had to be soooo smoking hot (at least to me). In fact I think part of me also wanted OTHER people to think she was soooo hot as well.”

This guy is not the only one who thinks like this, he’s probably just one of the few that will admit to it.

NOTE: Overly Superficial men are unattractive to most Christian women

9) They rule out women who have had sex and or children.

I’ve heard it come right out of these men’s mouths so I know it to be true. There are still women out here that fit that description, but it’s not the majority. When some married men are talking to some single brothers and they are sharing how they prayed to God for their virgin clean woman and she’s just the best thing that ever happened to them, these single men start to want and desire the same thing and then it becomes a need to them. They need to score big like their boys and the game begins. (This is real folks).

NOTE: Having a narrow mind can leave you lonely

10) A lifelong commitment scares them because at the core of their beings they are selfish.

A man has a lot to be responsible for in marriage and although he may desire all of the benefits of being married, he may be turned off by the responsibilities of marriage. Some men are not ready to grow up for whatever reasons and marriage will demand maturity.

Some also think it’s taking something away from their manhood if they have to report to someone and run decisions by someone. But the truth is accountability is very healthy and needed for spiritual growth. Outsiders can only hold you accountable for what they see and what you may reveal to them. But a spouse see’s you even when you don’t want to be seen.  Marriage is a very sacrificial relationship and if you are letting your selfishness rule in your body, marriage can look unattractive even though you see some benefits with it.

NOTE: Men who are irresponsible, childlike, and selfish are unattractive to most Christian women