This is how an affair could happen.

of course in your mind you say to yourself “It will never happen” and because you honestly believe that, you do nothing to prevent it from happening. You fail to set up any healthy boundaries, because after all, “It will never happen.” That is mistake #1.

When you are madly in love in the beginning stages or even in the middle and everything is going well in your marriage you think you’ll never cheat, and that may very well be true in that season. But what happens when the storm comes? What happens when your husband stops paying you attention and ignoring you. What happens when he stops giving you the things that you need like emotional support and he rarely listens to you?

Now you are at work and you need a place to vent, and Derrick seems to understand that and he listens. And you say out loud “Derrick is so cool!” yet brush off the thoughts that say, “If I was not married Derrick could get it!” You justify communicating with him because you have a friendship, he respects you and your marriage, he’s never hit on you, and so on.

Now other people look at you and wonder what’s going on and you think that they are tripping because you and Derrick are only talking; at work, on lunch, and as you leave for the day.

After a while, feelings that you thought you had under control start to develop because Derrick is really nice and he’s always there to lend a helping hand and hear your heart. He pays attention to you! Now although your feelings are starting to sway in another direction than friendship, you convince yourself that nothing is wrong as long as you never act on it. And you refuse to give up what you have going with Derrick because you have made up in your mind that

1) You are only friends.

2) You are only talking like friends do.

3) Most females are unsafe because they either gossip or try to steal your man.

3) You need to talk to someone and your husband could care less.

Soon you start to pick up vibes that Derrick is actually finding you attractive and it feels good and it feels innocent. He still has never made any inappropriate comments or came on to you, but you can see it in his eyes and the way he looks at you. This makes you desire him even the more, but you keep telling yourself you are safe because, “Nothing will ever happen.”

It’s Friday, you come into work after a rough weeks at home and Derrick tells you “You really look nice today!” Your feelings grow again as you try to search for the last time your husband told you that. You can’t remember and so you smile and let the compliment come into your heart with all of the other nice things he has said and done and with that last deposit your husband is pushed out! He’s still in your soul because you are one, but he’s no longer in your heart. Maybe he was moved around to the buttocks area or something, I don’t know.

lovers and friends

The more Derrick shows you kindness, the angrier you become with your husband for neglecting you and sooner than later you are so mad that you don’t even care what your husband would think or say, and anyone else for that matter. And now, when Derrick ask you to dinner after work because he’s staving and you are too, you’re like,

“I can’t see any harm in dinner!”

(Stay tuned for part 2)