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“I loaned a friend $300 to get his car fixed. We are not in a relationship and I don’t even look at him in that manner.  He said he would pay me in installments.  When the time came for the first installment, I didn’t get the money until the following week and that came after I had to almost cuss him out.  Now, the time for the second installment has passed and I haven’t heard a word from him.  I feel disrespected.  So, I have stopped talking to him, when I see him I don’t speak at all.  It takes everything I have when I think about it, not to call him and tell him what’s on my mind.  For instance, I want to let him know that he has disrespected me, planned to use me, thinks I’m weak, thinks I am a sucker and has no value for anyone besides himself.  I have lost any respect for him I had and I don’t consider him a friend, he can kick bricks.  I am boiling right now, just typing this. What should I do? Give the friendship another try or let it go? Should I keep confronting this person about my money or tell them how I feel disrespected?  I feel trust was broken.”

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There was this saying that I once heard, “Never let someone borrow something you can’t afford to give away.” I understand that you say it’s not about the money, but a great part of it is, and that’s ok because we work hard for our money. If the same person asked to borrow some eggs or a white T-shirt, your anger level would probably be a bit different. The fact that this person probably is spending the money they owe you on things that you can visibly see most likely can’t help matters. I would be irked to my soul if someone owed me money and I over heard them saying they just bought some new kicks that I knew cost 100 bucks.

As far as giving the relationship another try, personally I would not be in a relationship with someone who had no regard for my feelings, time, or money. A true friend would communicate to you what is going on and ask you to be patient. That seems like something most can deal with. What it seems as though you can’t deal with is being ignored, disrespected, and disregarded. On the other hand, he can remain a friend with boundaries and you can forgive him and just never loan him money again. But both of them are up to you and you have to ask yourself will it be worth it.

Also, letting him know how you feel may be necessary for you to bring closure either to the situation or the relationship and start to heal from this offence. If a face to face is difficult, I always advise people to write letters. In some cases they are even more affective in my opinion.

Lastly, I don’t see the need to keep confronting someone, they know they owe you money, and it probably just puts you in a position that you have to forgive all over again depending on their response.

In the future I would hope that you will still be who you are and not let this one bad apple spoil it for everyone, yet you should consider requiring collateral and telling your friends it’s not personal. I hope this helped and thank you for contacting me with your question!

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