I remember there was a time in my life when I use to become so depressed when I saw strong confident people living out their dreams and getting what they wanted. Although I didn’t know what it took to get them where they were and I could not see the long cold nights when they cried. I only saw the fighter that fought and won. Low self-esteem happened to me and it was my disease, or so I thought. I figured it would stay and live with me forever. You see, no matter how hard I tried to get rid of it, it would find its way back into my heart and my mind. The voices of the people telling me I wasn’t worth anything may have stopped but my own voice picked up where theirs had left off and I continued to chatter on. It made sence that others were living their best lives and I wasn’t. Mine was doomed from the start and that was just that, this is what I would tell myself when my greatest efforts would not prevail.
Seeing people being strong and believing in themselves reminded me of how I didn’t, couldn’t and wouldn’t. I didn’t experience jealousy, envy, or hate, it was more like I idolized them. I looked way up to them and desired to be just like them. I would cling to them hoping that stuff they had would rub off onto me. I felt like I needed them to survive and feared they would leave. No matter how much they’d admire me and compliment me, I’d refused to believe I had in me all that I needed to shine for myself. I’d believe when I was given a compliment (in a sence), but only for that moment. When I was left alone with my own voice the abuse would start again. Mental, emotional, and physical abuse. I was carrying on what was normal to me as if I had no choice. But I did you know, have a choice.
Although I didn’t know what it was to poses a healthy self-worth there were books I could read that would teach me. And although low self-esteem had occurred at a young age and been with me as long as I could remember, it could be turned around, shaken up, and then removed from my inner parts. There are plenty of great books on that as well! Believing that I can live out my calling and dreams is a choice and so is doing it. If I continued to defeat myself by giving up then I would be just like those people telling me as a little child that I was evil, hateful, and not worthy to be loved. How could I do that to anyone? I wouldn’t, so why was I doing it to myself?
When you look up to, admire and appreciate someone, that in it self is a wonderful thing. But being you, the best “you” you can be is what God intended for your life. That is why He created us all different. Wanting to be anything/one different is saying that He should have created you in another form. The last time I checked God doesn’t create mistakes. You like confidence, learn to be confident. You like beauty, realize you are beautiful! (Again, don’t you dare look at Gods creation as anything ugly!) You like dream catchers and go getters, go out and become what you admire. The only one stopping you is you!