Some people are under the impression that keeping the peace at all cost is loving. On one end you have people who are numb to chaos and hostile environments because it’s normal to them, and on the other hand you have the ones that will avoid truth, genuineness, and transparency because they fear any kind of disagreement or conflict. I’m going to be discussing the later today.
The word conflict has gotten a bad rap when in actuality it’s not a bad word. We use it in so many ways, but when those that are fearful of it hear the word they too often associate it with drama (another great word that has been tainted).
I have a friend that went behind my back and shared that she was offended by me and something that I had said. She didn’t share it with me because she was afraid of how I would respond if she confronted me. The person she told was then supposed to inform me of what I had done and not reveal who the offended person was or what I had actually said that offended her. I was livid! Why couldn’t my friend just call me, write me a note, send me an email, ask to meet with me over tea, something! Why would they not come to me? Well I found out with some digging in my own head who it was, I also found out why she felt as though she could not come to me. She was afraid of conflict, but there was not even going to be any! The conflict (if you will) came when she avoided coming to me like a mature woman and telling me how she felt. She said she wanted to send an older person that I knew and respected so that they could help me and she knew I would listen to them. But here’s the thing, it didn’t help one bit because I didn’t even have a clue to what I had said.
Even though I was avoided (everybody is busy, so busy like relationships are not important) I pursued her so we could talk this thing out. If this was back in the day I would have just bounced because this type of stuff makes me ungodly angry and I’d rather not put up with it. But because I love her I felt like it was worth working through.
My point today is that you can’t ever really know what the situation will be when you have to confront someone; you may be thinking it will be bad when it will be good, and thinking it will be good and it turns out bad. The bible teaches us that 1 “love covers a multitude of sins” and 2 you should inform someone if they have offended you. Relationships take love, forgiveness and trust. That real deep type of stuff is BUILT over time, but if you really want it, it can happen. There is no need to run from possible disagreements and conflict, because the truth is no matter what it’s going to find you in every relationship you have if you stay close long enough, so you might as well just learn to deal with it in a healthy way!