It won’t surprise me if you come to me and tell me that I have hurt or offended you, what would surprise me is that you never have to.
When you have to tell someone who you care about and love that they have over stepped a boundary or offended you in some way, you are likely doing so because you truly care about the relationship. If that person withdraws or becomes offended because you do that, then there is something else going on.
For example; a friend of mine who I had not heard from in some time had contacted me by text asking me for something. They didn’t even say hello. This was around the time when I was learning and understanding my boundaries and in recovery from People Pleasing. I didn’t get back to them because I was busy and confused why they would even be contacting me for such a thing and I kept on taking care of myself and brushed it off. I assumed they must have made a mistake. Later that night, as I was winding down from my jam-packed day, I received the same exact text as if it was just re-sent. Now I was irked! I responded and let her know that it offended me that she would reach out and ask anything of me and not even say hello. It would have been different if we talked on a regular basis, it would have been different if she would have sent the text as a favor and not as a demand. At any rate, I told her we were cool but that doing what she did was something that bothered me. She called me “nasty” and said she would never ask me for anything else again and told me I was MEAN. (Where have I heard that before, you have to read the book).
I won’t lie, correction and rebuke does hurt. When my husband use to tell me about myself when we first got married, it stung really bad and I put up a fight in my defense. But it was totally unnecessary because if someone is offended then that’s normal! I’m not perfect nor will I ever be, so it just makes sense that I and everyone else is going to do things from time to time that will disappoint us. If you know this beforehand, then when we do become offended it won’t send us packing. Or when we offend someone, we won’t have to fight so hard to prove we were right.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.